nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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