Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
