After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
