how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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