How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
