You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
