Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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