He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
