On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
