do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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