I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
