My nipple is on Facebook.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize