I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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