I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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