I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize