that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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