i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
