He is like the real live version of the state fair..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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