Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
