ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
