Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
