just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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