just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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