it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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