I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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