Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
