i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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