So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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