So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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