im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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