so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
