Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
