Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
