if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
