Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm really busy with my period
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