Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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