I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
