Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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