how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
