wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize