I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize