With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
