Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize