1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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