I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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