the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
