no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
