The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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