wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
