come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
