So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
