We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
