I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
