Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
