those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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