You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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