well I can't set my house on fire every night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize