Pappa wants mamma naked
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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