i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
