ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
