My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
