i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
