It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
