YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
