So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize