we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
